Just Live

Like a breath of fresh air, he came towards me like a bolt from the blue. He was peaceful and his voice– soothing. He had to, before I hopped into several drastic conclusions like I always did. But this time he wasn\’t having it, so he came.

My mind already began ringing the words again as my mouth slowly caught up with it. I kept saying \’I feel he is far from me and he has left me. He is not listening\’

She sat close to me trying to make me understand how he loved me, while she held my hands to pray. I closed my eyes and this vision flashed in front of me. It was him.

He knew I needed it. He said \’I will never leave you. I am always with you.\’ He said so many times.

My mind needed words to hold unto from no one but him. It would be enough for yet another journey. This wasn\’t his first words neither was it is last. He always gives me this words else I find myself running, hiding, crying, screaming, or tempted to fear, to let go, to die when it\’s all overwhelming and even when it\’s not. This is because my mind tells me it\’s more than it is. It keeps telling me I haven\’t suffered as much as others but I still feel every bit of pain and it was a lot. Then I would try to understand why-why it all ends in pain. It wasn\’t worth it.

I needed it and those words were enough.

Now I know; instead of running and hiding, I stay still. Stillness is enough for defense. When I get hit, I will feel. I will just live. \”Just live\” were the words he sent to me again. It was enough for another journey. He would ring it in my head again and again when I keep trying. Trying never worked out so he had to make sure I understood. It\’s not over till it is. Just live. I know even more words are coming.

I am saying these words to you today. Just live. Take the risk and be still. One day at a time. Feel. Don\’t hide. Allow. Trust. You have nothing to lose. It\’s just you anyway and you matter. No pressure.